Why aren't the elderly looked after?

When making a post, please ensure it complies with this site's Main Rules at all times.
  • What a sad ending, I'm sorry Fidget. Did she have dementia? At least you were with your parents and tried your best with your mother in law. If she didn't want to go, what's to be done... Unfortunately, dementia or not, they can be very difficult and awkward and will not accept help. She should've accepted that stair lift, it would've saved her life in all probability.

    No, she didn't have dementia, but she did have a bad case of stubborness. This was caused by her wanting independence in her own home but she sadly wasn't capable of independent living. Independence would have been fine and admirable if she hadn't needed so much care, but it was additional difficulties for us that could have been avoided if she had moved into our house. She could have lived 'with us' or kept her own privacy and council in her own room, which had room for her TV and some of her own furniture, etc.

    Mark Twain — 'Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.'

  • It's why I made the remark about communication within families, but it's easier said than done. It's very difficult for a adult child to demand that a parent comply with their request. A very tough situation and no doubt replicated all over the country. In my area, many people have built large extensions on their sides of their houses for "granny flats" for this exact reason.

    The report on Newsnight last night was about forcing people into care if they're mentally incapable. What if they're just stubborn, but need some form of care, but refuse it?

  • Its probably one of the most difficult areas of which to solve and not one thats going to get better as the mortality rate rises. I completely understand how difficult it can be caring for an elderly loved one. Especially when in full time work which is likely the job that ensures your immediate family are cared for.

  • This is one of my concerns, as I get older, and maybe is why I can now understand how my mother-in-law felt. I think I would rather pop my clogs than be mentally incapable, or be totally dependent upon others.

    I am a real fidget ... I would go out of my mind if I didn't have something to do, and watching TV does not count as 'something to do'.

    Mark Twain — 'Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.'

  • I looked after my father and mother for over ten years, my father had cancer the system kicked in and he was looked after relatively well compared to my mother.

    She had many TIA (strokes) vascular dementia over ten years, she died on the 26th December 2018 with me holding her hand.

    For me my mother’s death was a relief from the prison we found ourselves in both financial, physically & emotionally.

    This is the raw truth, I’m done with dementia and anything to do with it, i have no feelings towards it.

    Over the 10 years we’ve paid out over £426,000.00 in care home fees alone, only because I lived and breathed the care act and social services adult care policies did we not loose any more money, as for NHS continuing health care she was fast tracked in the November “end of life” but they tried to Refuse her that, so I fought back again so she got a whole 6 weeks of paid care before she died.

    We are now free and happy once again.

  • Sorry about your mum, Revo.:(

    As you say, those with cancer get care. My neighbour died last year and she got fully funded care, but dementia sufferers get nothing if they own their own homes. Under the current system, you have to have the "right" kind of disease.

    As to your other comments, yes. This is my life and has been for over 15 years. My prison is a comfortable one, but a prison it still is. Although I've not paid out for care, I do it myself, there is the "little" matter of 15 years of lost income...

    I'll come back to this subject a lot more in the future, although like you, perhaps once I'm done with dementia, that may be it and I never talk about it, or think about it again.

  • These are in a way the forgotten effects of better health are and increased mortality. Its always looked on as a good thing people are living longer without focusing on the quality of that life rather than the number of years.

  • But, we would all want to be healthy up until the point of death, but that rarely happens for most people. I agree that modern life has helped to extend life, but when those poor years do come, what option do we have other than to decline?

    Nobody wants dementia or other ill health in our latter years, but until there is a legal option of euthanasia, it's a fate that awaits most of us.

  • We had to wait to move to Spain, because we looked after my mother for 5 years , and she eventually died age 93 in 2017, she had terrible dementia in the end. My sister was only interested i n what money she could tap my mother for, and declined to help look after her, so we had to take her in, and I retired early to help, because you need two people to look after one person with dementia. I went round to her house every day to cook her a meal and clean up and put the washing machine on, but eventually she had to come live with us

    One thing that pissed me off was the cost of obtaining Power of Attorney, and the hoops we were forced to go through - £125 application fee, and if you put one single full stop wrong on the 10 page form, it was rejected, and another £125 was payable to reapply , £250 to a Mental Health Doctor to sign the form saying she knew what she was doing giving me PoT, the bank charged us £30 to set up access... The Post Office was a bastard, there was £300 in the post office, the battle we had getting that was epic. We ende dup complaining to the Ombudsman, and they still dragged their heels.

    The only bit of fortune we had was the guy doing the burial was a silver stacker like me, so we paid him in gold soveriegns and thus avoided VAT....

  • We had to wait to move to Spain, because we looked after my mother for 5 years , and she eventually died age 93 in 2017, she had terrible dementia in the end.

    Sorry to hear about your mum.

    Unfortunately, after spending years looking after my dad, my mum got dementia too around the same time I created this site in 2017, although I wasn't sure she had it then and it has progressed to almost the end stage now in such a short time period. I can't be here on this site much, for this reason, even though this site was created, in part, to share my experiences of dementia. I just assumed those experiences were going to be historical in nature...:(

    And as you say it takes two people to look after someone with dementia, but it my case, I looked after my dad on my own largely and only get limited help now, but hey ho, those fuckwit protestors at Westminster don't give a damn about the real issues in life, because they haven't faced such issues yet. Lucky them!

  • Social care: Is free personal care the answer?

    Political parties have been talking about reforming social care for the past 20 years, amid claims the system is in crisis, with services stretched and thousands of people having to sell their homes to fund care.

    Tony Blair came to power in 1997 promising to look at it - and since then, countless ideas have been put forward by all the parties.

    The latest proposal has been made by Labour. Free personal care will be introduced for the over-65s in England if the party gains power.

    Labour is proposing at its conference free personal care for all in your old age, but in reality there is no such thing as free.

    The costs of looking after the elderly especially those with dementia are overwhelmingly and I don't see how a state supplied system can ever really fully address the huge issues that are faced with looking after the elderly and/or disabled..

    I last slept properly on Thursday night, with some sleep on Saturday night and my next sleep will be tomorrow night. How can a State system ever realistically provide 24/7 care? And if it did, it would cost a hell of a lot more than £6bn.

    Dementia doesn't just occur during during normal office hours...

  • How did we manage years ago?

    There were workhouses for the destitute, then geriatric and psychiatric hospitals which were all closed for care in community

    The problem was that it never happened, the closures were just money saving exercises and sufficient investment in social care was never implemented

    People are now living longer with associated problems, and insufficient means to care for them

    I worked in social care for mot of my life and was glad to retire, there was a significant change when hospitals started discharging patients not because they were better but because they needed the beds. That put the burden on the care worker who with limited resources did their best but eventually the patient went back into hospital

    The cost of home care on the patient or family is now very high, and some like to keep their loved ones in hospital where the care is free

    The most stressful thing anyone has to do is care for a loved one, it is a 24/7 non stop grind especially with dementia, and it is important for the caring relative to get a break. There used to be regular respite care but that seems to have gone by the board

  • Indeed. My work is 24/7 and at a time when I meant to be in my peak earnings age, but there we go. I get a break three times a week and most of that free time is either spent talking to members here or doing behind the scenes stuff for this site, which is hardly relaxing. I will next be allowed to sleep tomorrow night. Sometimes a "shift" is 36 hours continuous without a single breather.

    My nan was looked after in a local elderly people's hospital once her dementia got really bad, fast forward to today and that hospital is currently being converted into luxury flats...

    As you say, its all about freeing beds.

  • 'Half of women will be carers by the age of 46'

    Women can expect to take on caring responsibilities for an older, sick or disabled relative more than a decade earlier than men, a report concludes.

    Research by Sheffield and Birmingham universities shows half of women will care by the age of 46, compared with half of men, for whom the age is 57.

    It's not all women age 46 onwards who have caring responsibilities....:(

  • Having just witnessed some "care" some women give, I don't know why its assumed that it's a mainly a woman's job now, in the same way that that men cook, clean etc which all used to be considered women's jobs.

    All the carer's in my family, whether it be looking after my grandparents or parents, were all men. Never a woman in sight, in fact they all ensured they stayed well out of it.

  • Having just witnessed some "care" some women give, I don't know why its assumed that it's a mainly a woman's job now, in the same way that that men cook, clean etc which all used to be considered women's jobs.

    All the carer's in my family, whether it be looking after my grandparents or parents, were all men. Never a woman in sight, in fact they all ensured they stayed well out of it.

    I think it stems from the days when women "minded" and men went out to work

    I don't think that so called modern man generation have yet reached the age when "care" is an issue apart from baby minding

    I worked in social care for years and initially was the only man, the rest were all women and I think that is still mainly the case. When I retired we had gained another two men

Participate now!

Don’t have an account yet? Register yourself now and be a part of our community!