Should traffic wardens be executed and if so, by what method?

  • Please give this subject the seriousness it deserves....:P

    I live on the outskirts of London and although my immediate area doesn't have too much of a traffic problem, local town centres do become congested, but rather than deal with blocked bus lanes etc, traffic wardens patrol residential streets putting their mark on any "offending" car that is out of a parking bay by a millimetre. They also come around in their "nick nick" cars aka CCTV cars and wait like vultures for any scumbag who dares to park outside their own home in the "incorrect" way.

    Now, I am a fair and proportionate person, so the method I have come up with in dealing with this problem is one of execution. Nothing sadistic mind, should be relatively painless, well, okay, perhaps not, but something must be done.

    First of all, I would hold a raffle at the local bingo night and the winner would have the honour of carrying out the execution. Then, I would decide on who dies, say the top ten worst traffic wardens in your area and especially any with ginger hair. Then, I would decide on how to get the traffic wardens to the execution place, a gentle smash over the head with a crowbar would do it and carry them into the back of cars would probably be the best method. (Helpful Tip: You may have a friendly white van man in your area. I am sure they would aid in this if you ask nicely.) Please, do ensure that you keep your neighbourhood clean. If any blood is split after the head smashing, please use soapy water to keep the streets clean and safe. Thank you.

    Onto the execution itself. My method would have them stripped half naked, we don't want to be sadistic or anything. Although, if they're good looking, then get all their clothes off!. Then, they should be tied to lampposts and mummified with their parking enforcement notices aka those large squarish stickers they place on cars. Ensure their bodies are fully covered from head to toe.

    Finally, and to ensure complete death, steal their CCTV cars, give them to the local wannabe preteen yobs and allow them to drive the cars, they won't need any encouraging.... Obviously, they won't be able to drive and they will the crash the cars into the lampposts thus crushing the traffic wardens to death, assuming they did not asphyxiate on their stickers that they were mummified in to begin with. When the police come, blame it all on the kids. So, a very cost efficient method in these austerity times of dealing with traffic wardens, their cars and a few hoodlums too. Can you come up with something better?

    So, should traffic wardens be executed and if so, by what method? Only serious and well thought out posts are allowed.;)

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  • At the moment I'd be more inclined to carry out the punishment on idiot drivers. I had to go out the other day and some clown had left his builders van across the driveway. I wasn't going to chase around knocking on doors looking for him so I rang the number on the van. I gave the person who answered the details and said that if the van wasn't moved within 15 minutes, I'd be getting a minicab for the afternoon and they'd be getting the bill.

    I've entered the driver for the 100 metres in the next Olympics. ;)

  • White Van Men/Builders are a favourite of mine too...:)

    After the culling of traffic wardens, they'd be next! :cool:

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  • You get a load of those types in central London, LW. I stay clear of them, but I agree. They can be added to the cull list. :cool:

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  • Our streets are full of them. And now that everyone here is practising for the famous Comrades Marathon, you have to watch out for the glazed-looking runners in the streets, old and young, looking to get themselves killed in the traffic as they prepare for the gruelling road race.

  • What you get these days is far from a traditional traffic warden.

    Traffic wardens were under the control of the police and were tasked only with keeping the streets clear.

    What you have today, since the decriminalisation of parking, are "parking enforcement officers", these are typically employed by private companies under contract to local councils (though sometimes still by the councils themselves).
    Generally these are tasked with issuing as many tickets as possible to hit financial targets set by the council.

    That said: don't park illegally and you will never come into contact with them.


  • What about cyclists? Not honest folk going to work by bike but those weirdos with funny shaped helmets, water bottles, shaved legs and glazed over eyes.

    Cyclists should be forced to have insurance and pay road tax like other road users. They are a menace to pedestrians and drivers alike. They think they own the roads. My hope is that sitting on all those hard, pointed saddles for so long will have a harmful effect on their reproductive organs and they won't be able to breed offspring who want to ride bikes. But I'm quite prepared to cull a few hundred to deter the others in the meantime. ;)

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