Jokes & Silly Thread

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  • Here's an oldie but goodie:


    An engineer was accidentally sent down to hell when he died. To make things a little less unpleasant there he had air conditioning and flush toilets installed.


    God looked down from heaven and angrilly demanded that the Devil should send the engineer up to heaven or he (God) would sue.


    The devil said "Where are you going to find a lawyer?"

    History is much like an Endless Waltz. The three beats of war, peace and revolution continue on forever.

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  • Of course, if it were a banker, they would have paid to get into heaven.;)

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  • That's pretty gross but I guess if it's what people want...

    History is much like an Endless Waltz. The three beats of war, peace and revolution continue on forever.

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  • At least it's a legal way to do it, the other method would be kidnapping a spotty teenager!8o

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  • It snowed heavily here 3 nights ago - so the next morning, quite early, I made a snowman -

    8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t make a snow woman.

    8:15 So I made it into a snow woman - in just a couple of ticks!!

    8:19 The nanny of the neighbours complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest.

    8:20 The gay couple living nearby grumbled that it could have been two snowmen instead.

    8:25 The vegans at no.12 complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and are not to decorate snow figures with.

    8:28 I am now being called a racist because the snow woman is white.

    8:31 The Muslim gent across the road wants the snow woman to wear a headscarf.

    8:40 Someone called the police who showed up to see what was going on.

    8:42 I am then told that the broomstick of the snowman needs to be removed because it could be used as a deadly weapon.

    8:43 I am overheard muttering to myself "Yeah, I could shove it up ...."

    8.44 I am then immediately arrested, blindfolded and flown to the police station in a helicopter.

    8:55 My phone is seized and thoroughly checked as I am grilled about having any previous arrests.

    9:00 I'm on the news as a suspected terrorist bent on stirring up trouble at this sensitive time.

    9:10 I am asked if I have any accomplices.

    9:29 A little known jihadist group has since claimed it was their plot.

  • I just tended to the plants in my pots, safer that way!


    Great post, Stevlin.^^:thumbup:

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  • A sign in Primark, Newcastle:


    mens_lingerie.jpg


    And in case you thought you could pop in there for some lacy boxers


    History is much like an Endless Waltz. The three beats of war, peace and revolution continue on forever.

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  • I've never seen a sign like that over the escalator before. It's quite "in" your face, isn't it?

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  • I wonder what that driver was thinking? Needed Pizza??;)

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  • What? Like this one local to me:


    pizzarelli_1.jpg


    They had to jack up the front of the building. Only recently re-opened with a jokey sign:


    pizzarelli_2.jpg


    That car also took out the tables and front window of the local pub where shortly before people had been sitting.


    A very elderly driver pressed the wrong pedal. :S

    History is much like an Endless Waltz. The three beats of war, peace and revolution continue on forever.

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  • Had that EXACT same thing happen to my scum neighbour last year.


    A elderly driver came off the road and went straight onto their front garden and almost went into the house. Took out the front wall of the garden and made a little dent in their house to boot too.


    All in all, a rather good day!^^^^


    The elderly driver was fine, by the way.

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  • I think this unicorn obsession is getting out of hand:


    unicorn_roll.jpg


    You can buy three sparkly rolls on Amazon for £7.98. :/

    History is much like an Endless Waltz. The three beats of war, peace and revolution continue on forever.

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  • I must have missed this Heero, is there some craze for unicorns at the moment?


    Those pictures look like My Little Pony, which was a kids series from the 80s which produced loads of toys.


    Personally, if bought toilet rolls like that, I wouldn't want it ruined with you know what. So, what's the point of it? Perhaps it's to encourage youngsters to use the toilet for the first time.

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  • Apparently it's something that's "trending" at the moment on social media like facebook.


    With the arrival of the Unicorn Frappuccino earlier this year, we officially hit the very peak of the unicorn trend — the tippy top of a vibrant, magical rainbow where Katy Perry songs are on repeat and the clouds are made of dreams and cotton candy. On Instagram, feeds are flooded with users showing off everything from their unicorn body glitter (also unfortunately nicknamed "unicorn snot") to their unicorn bagels, pool floats, macarons, sequinned jeans, cheese toasties, high-top trainers, iPhone cases, nail decals, and sushi rolls. Facebook? Overflowing with endless unicorn makeup tutorials.

    History is much like an Endless Waltz. The three beats of war, peace and revolution continue on forever.

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  • Don't have a thanks button, so you got a like instead.


    Completely new one on me, this.

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  • Blimey! Even the druids are in on it:


    unicorn_head.jpg


    I had this saved away a long time ago for just this sort of thread.^^

    History is much like an Endless Waltz. The three beats of war, peace and revolution continue on forever.

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  • I wonder what toilet roll that person uses.:/^^

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  • Nice bit of light relief from all the doom and gloom stories today, thanks Heero.


    Some council workers really are think about where they paint road markings, but that's probably the worse example I've seen yet.^^ And as for the first pic, I think I said before that went I went over a country park a few years ago, there was a whole field of cows in them that I kept well away from, so I think that sign is actually really good.

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  • The communist church is a particularly good one. A clash of two very different systems there.;)

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  • History is much like an Endless Waltz. The three beats of war, peace and revolution continue on forever.

    4312-gwban-gif

    If my post is in this colour  it is moderation. Take note.

  • Well, if he didn't want to get reconsigned, he should've shut his mouth.:)

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  • Apparently today is [drum roll] National Unicorn day!


    So follow this link for all your Unicorn needs.:S

    History is much like an Endless Waltz. The three beats of war, peace and revolution continue on forever.

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  • I have a stables not so far from me which has a riding school in it and I could see lots of cars going in that direction a bit earlier. I wonder if they're having some sort of National Unicorn themed event there. It's mostly girils who do the riding and I'm sure they'd love all that sort of thing.

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  • Little boy eating a boiled egg:


    Mummy, this egg is bad.


    Nonsense dear, eat it all up.


    A little later:


    Mummy, do I have to eat the beak?

    History is much like an Endless Waltz. The three beats of war, peace and revolution continue on forever.

    4312-gwban-gif

    If my post is in this colour  it is moderation. Take note.