Not when they're killing the birds in my garden, I don't, no.
The stentorian voice of god comes down from the heavens:
'Because I am displeased with humankind I am going to send forth a Great Flood.'
'Therefore you shall build an ark, big enough to take on board 2 each of all the animals of the Earth, a male, and a female.'
'And the ark shall be fifty cubits long.'
'And 20 cubits wide.'
Noah has a think about this . . .
'Lord - what's a cubit?'
I got these from a teacher friend in Birkenhead, they are true questions and answers in a school exam.
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large
pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Births can only happen when a male gets an election.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarian Section."
A: The caesarian section is a district in Rome.
Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.
Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport.
Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head.
Q: What is a Hindu?
A: It lays eggs.
Gravedigger: I had to bury the mother-in-law last week. I don't normally mix work with pleasure but in this case I made an exception.
That's a good one.
Wondering what I should have to eat, I called for some advice.
"Waitress, can I ask you something about the menu please?"
She replied sternly, "Listen mister, The men I please, is none of your business!"
That's the trouble with foreign names. Delicious to some, to others and sometimes just plain