Jokes & Silly Thread

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  • Apparently it's a psychological ploy, the red lable, to make people in a hurry think there's a bargain and to buy without checking the detail.

    History is much like an Endless Waltz. The three beats of war, peace and revolution continue on forever.

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  • A man follows a woman out of a movie theatre. She has a dog on a leash.
    He stops her and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I couldn't help but notice that your dog was really into the movie. He cried at the right spots, he moved nervously in his seat at the boring parts, but most of all, he laughed like crazy at the funny parts. Did you find that unusual??"

    "Yes," she replied, "I found it very unusual ... because he hated the book!"



    A Hand Up Not A Hand Out

  • A successful businessman is one who can earn money faster than his wife can spend it.


    A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

    History is much like an Endless Waltz. The three beats of war, peace and revolution continue on forever.

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    If my post is in this colour  it is moderation. Take note.

  • The Teacher said to my class.... can you name a subject beginning with the letter N that you are not very good at? I replied... "SPELLING".

    I am but mad north north west.. But when the wind is southerly I know a Hawke from a Handsaw.

    People don't believe lies because they have to - they believe lies because they want to.

  • I will always remember the very words I said to my girlfriend on the day we got engaged: "Oh my God.....I thought you were on the pill."




    A Hand Up Not A Hand Out











  • My Name Is Alice Smith And I Was Sitting In The Waiting Room For My First Appointment With A New Dentist. I Noticed His Dds Diploma, Which Bore His Full Name.


    Suddenly, I Remembered A Tall, Handsome, Dark-haired Boy With The Same Name Had Been In My High School Class Some 40-odd Years Ago. Could He Be The Same Guy That I Had A Secret Crush On, Way Back Then? Upon Seeing Him,

    However, I Quickly Discarded Any Such Thought.This Balding, Grey-haired Man With The Deeply Lined Face Was Way Too Old To have Been My Classmate. After He Examined My Teeth, I Asked Him If He Had Attended Morgan Park High School "yes. Yes, I Did." He Gleamed With Pride.

    "When Did You Graduate?" I Asked. He Answered, "in 1969. Why Do You Ask?"
    "You Were In My Class!", I Exclaimed.He Looked At Me Closely.


    Then, That Ugly, Old, Bald Wrinkled, Fat, Grey, Decrepit Son-of-a-bitch Asked, "What Did You Teach?"





    Read more: http://ukoldieschat.boards.net…ks?page=295#ixzz6BCTz6SIr

    A Hand Up Not A Hand Out

  • The snowflakes just get more silly every day. :rolleyes:

    History is much like an Endless Waltz. The three beats of war, peace and revolution continue on forever.

    4312-gwban-gif

    If my post is in this colour  it is moderation. Take note.