Jokes & Silly Thread

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  • A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his holidays: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"

    An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."


    I ran a shop for 8 years and allowed dogs in. During that time not one dog messed on the floor, but three children did !

    The intelligent are being oppressed so the stupid don't get offended

  • Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac who laid awake all night wondering if there really is a a dog ?

    The intelligent are being oppressed so the stupid don't get offended

  • So, name the group and track for the music on the current Kellogs cereal ad?

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  • Bob: "I phoned my boss to tell him I'd fell of a 50 foot ladder so he gave me a few days off."

    Jim: "Oh my God, are you okay?"

    Bob: "Yeah it's a good thing I fell off the first step."

  • Arnold Schwarzenegger, Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hanks were all making a movie about famous composers. Leo said, "I'd like to play Beethoven." Tom said, "I'd like to play Mozart." Arnie said "I'll be Bach"


  • This spoilt rich teenaged girl pushes her BMW into a service station.

    She told the mechanic: "It died."

    After he works on it for a few minutes, it's idling smoothly.

    She asks: "What's the story?"

    He said: "Just crap in the carburettor."

    She asks: "How often do I have to do that?"


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  • Mr Tickle wanted to marry the girl of his dreams.

    However, Tess was reluctant to take on his surname.

    A pity because they could have had a ball together.


  • I was in the McDonald’s drive-through this morning and the woman behind me beeped at me and gave me the middle finger because I was taking to long to order.

    So I paid for her food.

    I moved up and she leaned out the window looking all embarrassed at me because the worker told her I had paid for her food.

    When I got to the second window to get my food, I showed them both receipts and took her food too!

    I paid for it, it’s mine! Now she has to go round again and be delayed even longer.

  • But you are out of pocket...is that a win? :rolleyes:

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